6to6

Hi, I'm rushil.

The Dilemma Of The Performative male

That's me in the photo, outside a Chinese restaurant, mid-pandemic somewhere in Vancouver, capture by @coldcyrus. I ordered the duck noodles. It was mid. Anyway, I write the 6to6 newsletter. Please know that I am making this shit up as I go. There's a difference between lies and stories though. Stories use the appearance of truth for the interest of the audience and also the teller. A story has neither loss nor gain, but a lie is a device for profit or escape. If that definition is true, then writers of stories could be liars (if they are financially fortunate). I happen to be broke, but I write stories not for the sake of finance, but my own amusement. You must have signed up at some point, but if you want to unsubscribe, just click the link at the bottom. One click, all done, good bye. If you choose to remain a reader, welcome (and thank you). I hope from this letter, you understand me and have fun doing it.

Writing As A Service

This is a dark forest of the internet for us, so I'll confess to being a performative writer. I perform so that I can write for you, the reader. I've been living this lifestyle before the word performative entered the zoomer vocabulary (the algorithms of TikTok's dictionary).

Identifying a performative male is like running a turing test to find if a machine is human, you’ll know they're real when they stop trying to prove themselves. The life lived is simply the proof itself. Believe me when I tell you that I don't use machines to craft my prose. The stories write themselves.

Sometimes a kind of glory happens to someone, or nearly everyone. You feel it growing or sizzling like the threads of bomb burning. Your stomach turns, a delight of nerves clenches your jaws, your skin tastes the air, and every deep breath taken is sweet. The feeling is most akin to the pleasures of fitting the last piece of a puzzle. It flashes in the brain and the whole world glows outside your eyes. That's what it feels like to get free molly at a rave in toronto. The music sweetens your ears, the smell of people shaking the earth chant into your nose, and the dancing under the sky blesses your eyes. In that moment, I guess, someone's place in the world can be measured by the quality of the molly they've taken at a rave, especially when gifted by a stranger.

Now, the natural question is how does one get free molly? Unless, you're a reader unfit to rave, in which case, the question being how does one get the feeling of glory without taking molly at a rave? The answer to both is simple: meeting people, knowing their stories, and sharing a story together. This is what 6to6 is about. All people are performative to some degree, but that shouldn't diminish their quality of being.

rushil's imitation game

Anyone who writes, at some point, will get questioned on whether they use AI or not. This can cause an existential crisis for the writer (like anyone afraid to be replaced by machines).

Unlike start up founders or anyone from LinkedIn for that matter, I find it tough to write about myself. I guess it's mainly because there's a hint of shame to what I write, unlike pride that comes with every LinkedIn post. I have a respected career as a consultant advising people on data architecture frameworks. Although I'm skilled enough to get promoted, the obstacle in my path is acquiring my undergraduate degree, delayed because of dropping out of Computer Science (pre-GPT era). I've since milked the pandemic and GPT to breeze through a bachelor’s in IT, which I will probably not use (like most university students). Not to mention, I also intensively use AI in my consulting career as a data architect.

The senior director that oversees the data and AI practice at the firm got laid off at the time of writing. It’s currently August 26, Tuesday. There are two days until I’m on a flight to Singapore, to join The Network School. I will be there for the month of September. For that month, I will be in an island in Malaysia that offers a serviced room, healthy food, 24/7 gym, lectures by tech founders, community events, office pods, content studios, workshops, fitness classes, makerspace, high speed wifi, and coworking. I’ve paid $1500 for the month (birthday present to myself). In that time, I would hope to have gathered enough notes and 6to6 letters.

Anyway, back to my consulting career. The main man that oversaw presale consulting for client engagement in data and AI got laid off, just last week. The reason, I suspect, is that he was not a billable consultant, meaning his pay cheque was not on the client’s dime. The consulting firm must have also been tired of paying his high salary, especially now that they’re used to outsourcing work in India.

It doesn’t seem as rare as seeing a black swan. Many middle managers in the tech industry are dropping like flies. It’s not because of AI. It’s a matter of the political and economic state of the world right now. I would like to escape while I can, by writing letters to readers, to someone like you.

Can’t A Guy Have Hobbies?

When one spends their 9-5 staring at medium screens, they tend to escape by scrolling on smaller screens or pay attention to larger screens. I do the same, but I’ve also found comfort staring at pages of books. I've read enough novels to despise the redundancy of writing that comes from large language models. If you think my prose are structured well, just know it comes from reading well. If you consider my prose shit, I have a lot more to read.

My hobbies as of right now are traveling, writing, developing software, raving, biking, finding yote, reviewing washrooms, and reading. I probably read more than my other side quests, but as a libra, I like to keep things well balanced. I used to have a stupid hobby of stealing bottles from clubs, but I’ve since stopped after getting caught pocketing two bottles, on the security cameras, in a toronto bar called apartment 200. I steal to write about my own projections, insecurities, justifications, hoping for an explanation that is stitched to the fabric of reality. Sure, I’ll come back to read my writing and cringe because it was done in shame, but just know that the published edit should hold a viable explanation of my thought process. Things do not need to be perfect to be wonderful. Especially 6to6 letters. We acknowledge that content is king. Long live content.

Digital Footprints From Dark Forests

Imagine this, the internet is a dark forest. Every creator on the internet is a hunter for viral content. 6to6 is conceived by Fermi’s paradox, as a means of hiding what I write from a dark forest. Outside contact is too dangerous. Social media is a good tool for creators despite them needing consumers to thrive. I would like to be acknowledged as a writer, but I would rather disguise 6to6 as a dark forest publication for readers who are willing to find me.

Sometimes, I like to detach from the internet by using flip-phones for months at a time. I’ve gone a month without music while driving. As much as I hate to say (because it comes off as a flex) but remember, most of what I write is shameful. For example, I drive while intoxicated at times. Whether alcohol or molly, I’ve come home and typed some of these words you’ve read. Surely, you see why the 6to6 publication is a dark forest? This is to record rushil’s current excuses for living, my stories. 6to6 is a digital footprint to hide what’s written via emails and a website from my own self hosted server.